The Downside of Being a Realtor (Or: 40 Reasons Coffee, Therapy, and Jesus Are Keeping Me Alive)
Someone recently asked, “What’s the downside of being a Realtor?”
I laughed. Then cried. Then started writing this list. I stopped at 40 — because my phone rang three times while typing number 18.
1. The 24/7 Hotline
Calls. Texts. DMs. Emails. Pigeons. You’ll answer at 1:14 a.m. whispering, “Hey, what’s up?” like you’re cheating on your own sanity.
2. Vacations = Business Booby Trap
The minute you set foot on a beach, every client you’ve ever met suddenly wants to buy, sell, or panic. You’re negotiating a deal on spotty Wi-Fi while your margarita melts.
3. Loyalty? Never Heard of Her
You sold your best friend’s house, got them above asking, and dropped off a gift basket. Six months later, they list with “a family friend who just got licensed.”
4. The “I Know My Home’s Worth” Seller
They saw one Zestimate and now they’re a certified economist. “Well, Zillow says…” Oh good, Karen — I didn’t realize Zillow earned its PhD.
5. The Appraisal Assassin
The appraiser strolls in, spends eight minutes walking around like he’s judging a state fair pie contest, then drops your value by $80,000. You point out the spray foam insulation, Control4 home automation, and the $250,000 DaVinci roof — and he squints and says, “Oh, those things really aren’t worth anything.” But that 1994 carpet and ceiling fan next door apparently add value.
6. Inspection Report Meltdown
A missing outlet cover sends the buyers into witness protection. “We just can’t live like this.”
7. MLS Police Patrol
You post a “Coming Soon” photo on Facebook and 25 hours later… ding!
“We noticed this listing is not in the MLS within 24 hours after your post.” Boom! $500 fine for sharing a photo of the kitchen
And yes, it’s Realtors who turn you in for this — the ones with so much free time because they don’t have any actual business.
Yes, I know who you are. Bless your heart — may your lockbox batteries die at every showing.
8. The “We Changed Our Minds” Buyer
After 47 showings, three offers, and emotional therapy — they decide to rent. “We’re just not ready.” Neither am I, Karen.
9. The Sabotage Squad
Other Realtors who smile in person but quietly text your client “just to check in.” Real estate’s like Survivor— but with lockboxes.
10. The Glamour Myth
Everyone thinks being a Realtor is just like Million Dollar Listing.
Nope — there’s no private driver, film crew, or designer suit budget. You’re dodging sprinklers in dress shoes, carrying yard signs like a pack mule, and trying to look “luxury” while your iPhone autocorrects “closing” to “clothing.”
No, this isn’t Million Dollar Listing. It’s Survivor: OKC Edition
11. The “My Cousin’s a Realtor” Trick
They want your market analysis, your comps, your soul… then “give it to their cousin to write the offer.”
12. Weather? Irrelevant.
Rain, snow, hail, tornadoes — you’re still showing homes with a flashlight while your client says, “It’s kind of muggy, huh?”
13. “Just a Quick Showing”
It’s never quick. You’ve hit 12 houses, 14 bathrooms, and one Taco Bell drive-through. It’s 9 p.m.
14. The Seller That Never Leaves
They swore they’d be gone. You unlock the door and they’re there, eating Captain Crunch cereal shirtless, “just curious how the showing’s going.”
15. The Pet Patrol
The cat’s hiding in the ductwork. The “sweet” dog just attacked your ankle. You’re negotiating peace treaties with the animal kingdom.
16. The Holiday Hustle
You’re carving turkey with one hand and writing an addendum with the other. Santa brings you a repair request instead of joy.
17. The Open House Buffet
Half the people came for cookies. One’s a neighbor “just comparing upgrades.” Another asks if the owner will throw in the lawn mower.
18. The Zillow Scholars
“Zillow says it’s worth $50K more.” Sure, and WebMD says I have five minutes to live.
19. The “Can You Lower Your Commission?” Talk
They’ll spend $2,800 on a sofa pillow but want to bargain your commission like it’s a garage sale.
20. The “Family Expert”
Their aunt in Ohio thinks you priced it too low. She watches HGTV, hasn’t seen the property, but she “just has a feeling.”
21. The Lockbox Lottery
You punch the code like you’re hacking the Pentagon. The lockbox won't open. You fake laugh while buyers stare.
22. The “We’ll Wait for Rates to Drop” Crowd
They’ve been waiting since 1987. They’ll be waiting when the sun burns out.
23. The Phantom Buyer
Texts you for months, then disappears faster than the last affordable house in town.
24. The “We Love It But…” Couple
They love the layout, location, and price — but “something feels off.” (It’s your sanity, slowly leaving your body.)
25. The Group Text Purgatory
Three buyers, two lenders, one title rep. Everyone replies “Thanks!” 14 times.
26. The Weekend Warriors
Everyone else is brunching. You’re showing 12 houses that smell like cats and regret.
27. The Title Drama
Three liens, two ex-spouses, and one mystery owner who moved to Belize.
28. The HOA Headache
That “$600 annual fee” turns into “$4,800 for new duck-pond lights.”
29. The “Why Didn’t You Tell Me?” Call
You sent three emails, two voicemails, and a carrier pigeon — but sure, it’s your fault.
30. The Notification Nightmare
Your devices buzz so much you develop PTSD from the Apple ding.
31. The “Blade of Grass” Photographer Critic
You spent $1,000 on professional photos. Seller says, “Did you see that one blade of grass by the sidewalk? Can we fix that?” Sure, let me call NASA.
32. The $15,000 Marketing Meltdown
Custom website, drone video, print ads — all for a listing that expires. They relist $100,000 cheaper with another agent using your photos. Sells in 24 hours. You stare at your laptop whispering, “I’m opening a food truck.”
33. The “Post-Closing Warranty Hotline”
Closed a year ago. Champagne was popped. Now: “Hey, our AC went out. Can you help?” Yeah, I’ll grab my wrench and swing by after my colonoscopy.
34. The “Ring Doorbell ROI” Seller
They proudly announce, “We installed a Ring doorbell, so we need $50K more.” Apparently, Big Tech’s buying comps now.
35. The “We Renovated!” Illusion
They painted a wall and bought new curtains. “Totally remodeled!” You nod like you’re admiring Michelangelo.
36. The “Custom Home” Claim
Same floor plan as every other house in the neighborhood. “But we added crown molding, so it’s custom.”
37. The “Luxury Finishes” Stretch
Laminate counters, builder lights, tile that "looks" like wood flooring and a Glade plug-in. “Luxury touches throughout!”
38. The Social Media Spy
They ghost you for three days — but you catch them posting brunch photos. “Sorry, just been sooo busy.”
39. The “Can You Show My Neighbor’s House?” Call
They’re not buying. They just want to know if the Joneses have granite.
40. The Referral That Backfires
You recommend a great plumber. He’s late once. You get blamed. Forever. Your tombstone reads: “Should’ve fixed that leak myself.”
And That’s 40. I could’ve kept going… oh, believe me, I could’ve hit 400.
But despite the chaos, the no-sleep lifestyle, and the sellers who think a Ring doorbell adds $50,000, we still love what we do.
We get to change lives — one inspection meltdown at a time.
Wyatt Poindexter - The Agency Oklahoma
