Let me just say this upfront: if walls could talk, I’d still be the one telling the better stories.
After nearly 30 years in real estate, I’ve seen homes of every shape, size, style, and smell (yes, smell deserves its own category). But nothing—and I mean nothing—can prepare you for what you stumble into during showings. Behind every front door is a story. Some are inspiring. Some are heartbreaking. And some… are just wild.
No names will be named. No addresses revealed. But here are just a few of the most unforgettable moments from the confessions vault:
🐒 The Monkey Room
I once showed a house that had a dedicated bedroom for a full-grown monkey. Not a stuffed animal. Not a petting zoo setup. I’m talking a room—crib, toys, climbing ropes, snacks—for a man’s live-in monkey companion. It made eye contact with me. I still think about that.
🙈 Explicit Wallpaper… in the Entryway
Another time, I was showing a home to a local pastor. We walked up, unlocked the door, I opened it... and immediately slammed it shut. The entire entry was wallpapered with extremely explicit pornography. I looked at the pastor and said, “You’re going to have to trust me—this is not your home.”
🥃 Better Than the Liquor Store
I’ve seen bourbon collections that would make professional bartenders weep. One guy had an in-home bourbon display larger than most actual liquor stores. His bar wasn’t a feature of the home—it was the home.
🍻 O’Connell’s Bar… In a Man Cave
A proud OU fan purchased the original custom bar from O’Connell’s in Norman and rebuilt it—full size—in his basement. You don’t just walk into that kind of man cave. You salute it.
🦾 Iron Man Lives Here
One showing featured a full-size Iron Man statue guarding the living room. Was it cool? Yes. Was it also deeply unsettling to feel judged by Tony Stark while showing a house? Also yes.
🖤 50 Shades of... Real Estate?
I walked into a home once and thought, “Huh, kind of dark and moody.” Then I turned the corner and found an entire room full of leather outfits and… questionable accessories. If you’ve seen Pulp Fiction, remember “the gimp”? Yeah. That memory is burned into my brain.
🧗♂️ Two-Story Rock Climbing Wall… Inside
In another home, the “game room” had a two-story rock climbing wall and another with a Turbo Tube slide that looped from the second floor into a foam pit in the living room. Honestly? 10/10. Would list again.
🎯 The DIY Tactical Training Center
One house had a fully functional archery range in the attic. Yep, right above the bedrooms—nothing like the sound of arrows slamming into drywall while you're trying to watch Netflix downstairs. Then I headed to the basement, expecting a wine cellar. Nope—indoor gun range. Soundproofed, ventilated, the whole setup.
🔥 Fireman’s Pole & Heart-Shaped Tub Combo
One house had a fireman’s pole in the middle of the living space… and a bright red heart-shaped tub in the master, straight out of Dumb and Dumber. There was even rose-colored tile to complete the look. Romance lives here, folks.
🧟 Closet or Castle?
I once toured a home with a three-story master closet. It had an elevator. It was nicer than most hotels I’ve stayed in. Honestly, I was a little jealous.
🎸 KISS Fan? Try KISS Museum
There was a home completely packed with a KISS memorabilia collection. Every wall, every shelf, every inch of space. I tried to focus on the house… but Gene Simmons was everywhere. Watching me. (No it wasn't my personal home)
🏎️ A Race Car on the Wall
Another estate had a real Indy race car—suspended on the wall—like a trophy. I don’t even know how. I just know I looked up and said, “Well, that’s awesome".
🚽 KD’s Throne
Kevin Durant once owned a home with a toilet platform that was at least four feet high. I don’t know if it was for comfort or intimidation, but it felt like you were walking up to a podium.
🎥 The Accidental... Theater Show
One time, I was showing a stunning luxury home with an incredible home theater. To show off the tech, I pressed the remote, the screen dropped down, the projector powered up… and then—BOOM. Not surround sound, not a Marvel movie, but a full-on XXX scene. Everyone in the room just froze. I panicked, fumbled for the remote, and of course… hit the wrong button. It fast-forwarded to an even worse scene. I was so embarrASSed. Needless to say, we didn't spend much more time in that room.
(Also, homeowners: please clear your media library before listing. Just… please.)
🔫 A Personal Armory
A basement full of at least 800 guns and a flame thrower. I stopped counting. It had biometric locks, coded vaults, and more firepower than a small country. I backed away slowly.
🕵️ Two-Way Mirror Bathroom
I’ve also discovered a two-way mirror in a bathroom. If you’re wondering whether that’s creepy—yes, yes it is.
🚗 A Jaguar in the Living Room
And yes—one homeowner had a Jaguar (the car) parked in the living room. Not a model. Not a toy. A full-size, chrome-polished Jag, proudly displayed next to a window.
🎮 Arcade Dreams & Beanie Baby Nightmares
One house was filled with vintage arcade games—Pinball, Pac-Man, Galaga. Incredible. Another? Covered in Beanie Babies. Thousands. I didn’t know where to step. I feared for my life.
🙃 And Then… There Are the Accidental Showings
Let’s just say I’ve accidentally walked in on teenagers who… didn’t know there was a showing. We made eye contact. We never speak of it again.
🍕 The Pizza Box Palace
I once showed a house where a single guy had been collecting pizza boxes like they were antiques. I’m talking hundreds—stacked in the kitchen, living room, closets… it was less of a house and more of a shrine to carbs. When I asked if he planned to declutter before photos, he said, “Yeah, I’ll move some to the garage.” No wonder he’s single.
🎹 Elton John’s Red Piano
Yes, the red piano. I once walked into a formal living room and there it was—Elton John’s actual red Yamaha piano, proudly displayed like a crown jewel. Signed. Immaculate. The homeowners said, “Oh yeah, we bought it at auction.” I just stood there and stared in silence, half expecting it to start playing Rocket Man on its own.
💬 Moral of the Story?
Real estate isn’t just “location, location, location.” It’s also:
“Expect the unexpected.”
“Don’t touch anything.”
And sometimes... “Trust me, pastor—this is not your home.”
From Iron Man statues to hidden staircases, monkey bedrooms to Indy cars, I’ve seen it all—and then some. These wild moments keep me on my toes and remind me that no two homes (or clients) are ever the same.
So next time you see a “For Sale” sign… just know there might be a fireman’s pole or a gimp suit behind that front door.
Welcome to real estate.
Wyatt Poindexter
The Agency Oklahoma
Realtor | Storyteller | Monkey Room Survivor | Real Estate Therapist
#ConfessionsOfARealtor #RealEstateStories #LuxuryRealEstate #ThingsIveSeen #ThisIsRealLife #TheAgencyRE #WyattPoindexter
